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I’m not ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille

When I was younger I was quite photogenic. Of course, at the time I didn’t appreciate it. Over the years I’ve become more and more afraid to have my picture taken. Namely because I avoid mirrors, and reflective surfaces in general, at all costs. Having kids has a way of putting your focus outward onto others. When you are young and/or childless you have all the time in the world to try new beauty products, follow fashion trends, and  do your best to mimic beautiful celebrities. The beautiful celebrities I mimic these days? How about “Alice” from “The Brady Bunch” or “Mrs. Garrett” from “The Facts of Life?”

Whenever I take pictures of myself, I remain the eternal optimist. Thinking statistically, odds are that out of one hundred pictures taken one has to be halfway decent – right? Well, it becomes a compromise when there are no obvious standout ready-for-my-modeling-portfolio shots. Maybe I aim too high. Or am I too self-critical? I know I’m not the only one who has a frown line. But why is it highlighted in every picture? Is there some sort of putty I can use to fill it in on picture-taking occasions? Maybe a rubber implant can fit into it and flatten the area discretely so I can look 32 again? I think that is something that will end up on QVC someday. Silicone self-sticking wrinkle filler-inners.

Even today at the beach, I thought “I’ll take a picture of my feet in the water!” Uh oh. Looks good on paper. A lesson I learned is never judge a picture on your cell phone when you have been blinded by the sun for the previous hour. And certainly don’t go ahead and post it on Facebook. Now how do I explain my obviously hideous bunion to those people who haven’t seen me in 25 yrs?

I know, we all age. But somehow our minds eye holds us to the standards of what we used to be. It is hard to keep comparing our aging self with our eternally-youthful self from yesteryear. Acceptance of looking like I do now has come slowly. Not that I am so different, but I am older. As is nature’s plan. Acceptance comes slowly, and painfully, for me. Time to focus on different things, I guess. Get back to my housework, caring for others and ignoring my diet. And get off the computer. And for heaven’s sake, the next time I take a picture of my feet in the water I’ll be SURE to wear boots!


About Fortyteen Candles

oh, let's see...distinguished Gen-X'er, frustrated writer, suffocating in the confines of a small town that thinks it's a big deal. A few years ago we were home to the second largest Walmart in our state, don-cha-know. Oh, and I was voted "Most New Wave" in my senior high school year book. Actually, that last sentence alone is really everything you need to know about me.

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