I started this blog two months ago as a way for me to vent and be creative in a completely anonymous space. I never had complete anonymous freedom before, and I’ve found it to be amazing and cathartic beyond all my hopes.
However, I never really thought down the road about what I’d do someday if I ever wanted someone I knew to read this blog. I figured this would be my anonymous playground for years to come. But, as an aspiring published AND PAID writer*…I realized that sooner or later my baby, “Fortyteen Candles,” would have to see the light of day to those who knew me.
Two weeks ago I sent my blog link to two very old friends of mine (not old like ancient, but old as in I knew them back before there was “the internet” old). Anyway, they both read my blog and were completely supportive and wonderful. I felt a great relief that I could start being true to my thoughts and feelings, and also be confident that these were being well-received by an audience that included people who really knew me. I know I haven’t divulged any great secrets here, but I was hoping that I could kind of do that someday. And even better, I wouldn’t have to listen anymore to that obnoxious internal editor who mocks me every time I think I’m about to write.
Fast forward to the modern day…aka two weeks later. I’ve dreaded posting on this blog. I’ve had the internal editor pop up and CENSOR my thoughts on everything I wanted to write about. For every idea I came up with all I would hear is “That’s stupid!” or “Boring!” or “Too personal!” Yuck! This has been like fighting off the flu. I know I have to keep fighting back these negative vibes or my blog will ultimately die.
So today I thought I’d purge all of this out of my system. I’m fighting back the best way I know how – I’m writing an essay. P.S. This is the essay. I sent my internal editor out to Walmart to try to find something made in the USA, so I know I have some time to work in peace.
My vow is to forget who knows about my blog, and not care who might read it. I still intend to write whatever is on my mind with complete freedom of the WordPress. So, if I come up with a few more essays than I have in the past please realize it is a medical necessity for the health and well-being of “Fortyteen Candles.”
Whew! Thanks for listening. I’m feeling a little stronger now. My blog is feeling a little better, too.
(* more on this another day)